Jesse BlanchardNot Another Team Preview: Previewing the fans of the Atlantic Division
October 25th 2009 21:23
By now every major team publication or website's team previews have been out for some time (Hollinger and Dwyer are my two favorites) so other than adding a funny line (as if I had any) or rewording a particular sentence there is not much I can add you don't already know about the upcoming NBA season.
So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use.
So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans:
Boston Celtics
Strengths: Experience. Years of knowledge into possibly the most storied franchise in NBA history. Ability to handle booze.
Weaknesses: Ability to handle booze aside, obnoxious even while sober. Fresh memories of failed franchises over the past two decades has done nothing to humble them from the recent success of the Red Sox, Celtics and Patriots.
In the mind of the fans:"Kobe is slowing with age. Tim Duncan is in his 30's, is seven-feet tall with a lot of mileage on his knees. Kevin Garnett? Nah. He's perfectly fine."
"Is it right to root for a team that added the league's biggest jerk to a team full of arrogant jerks? Hell, it worked when Bill Belichick picked up Randy Moss."
New York Knicks
Strengths: Mecca of basketball. Spike Lee.
Weaknesses: Delusions of grandeur based upon geographic location.
In the mind of the fans:
"LeBron. LEBRON, LeBron, LEBRON....LeBron! LeBron! LeBron, LeBron, LEBRON"
"No assets, not as much cap space as originally thought. No solid talent base...no problem. This is New York. How could LeBron say no?"
"Do you think we could land James, Bosh AND Wade? I mean, we are New York."
New Jersey Nets
Strengths: Most live within a reasonable commute to Brooklyn.
Weaknesses: They'll soon have to drive there if they want to see their team.
In the mind of the fans:
"In Soviet Russia, road drives you."
"Lopez and Harris are the American versions of Duncan and Parker."
Philadelphia 76ers
Strengths: Worst behaved fans in the entire nation. In any sport. (Google Santa, booing and batteries)
Weaknesses: Worst behaved fans in the entire nation. In any sport.
In the mind of the fans:
"F----- You"
Toronto Raptors
Strengths: Ability to flood the e-mails of any national sports writer who fails to show proper love to Canada's team.
Weaknesses: No one fears Canadians.
In the mind of the fans:
"Should we be worried that our Charmin Ultra Soft is tougher than our team?"
"It's not aboot defense, it's not aboot rebounding. It's aboot shooting. It's aboot passing."
So rather than go into the usual cut and paste, blog obligatory features (positional rankings, over/underrated and power ranking) or breaking down the game of our 12th man to its most minute detail, I thought I'd flip the script and create a preview even the countless number of sports bloggers could use.
So without further ado-feel free to add and contribute to the list-here is the annual preview of NBA team fans:
Boston Celtics
Strengths: Experience. Years of knowledge into possibly the most storied franchise in NBA history. Ability to handle booze.
Weaknesses: Ability to handle booze aside, obnoxious even while sober. Fresh memories of failed franchises over the past two decades has done nothing to humble them from the recent success of the Red Sox, Celtics and Patriots.
In the mind of the fans:"Kobe is slowing with age. Tim Duncan is in his 30's, is seven-feet tall with a lot of mileage on his knees. Kevin Garnett? Nah. He's perfectly fine."
"Is it right to root for a team that added the league's biggest jerk to a team full of arrogant jerks? Hell, it worked when Bill Belichick picked up Randy Moss."
New York Knicks
Strengths: Mecca of basketball. Spike Lee.
Weaknesses: Delusions of grandeur based upon geographic location.
In the mind of the fans:
"LeBron. LEBRON, LeBron, LEBRON....LeBron! LeBron! LeBron, LeBron, LEBRON"
"No assets, not as much cap space as originally thought. No solid talent base...no problem. This is New York. How could LeBron say no?"
"Do you think we could land James, Bosh AND Wade? I mean, we are New York."
New Jersey Nets
Strengths: Most live within a reasonable commute to Brooklyn.
Weaknesses: They'll soon have to drive there if they want to see their team.
In the mind of the fans:
"In Soviet Russia, road drives you."
"Lopez and Harris are the American versions of Duncan and Parker."
Philadelphia 76ers
Strengths: Worst behaved fans in the entire nation. In any sport. (Google Santa, booing and batteries)
Weaknesses: Worst behaved fans in the entire nation. In any sport.
In the mind of the fans:
"F----- You"
Toronto Raptors
Strengths: Ability to flood the e-mails of any national sports writer who fails to show proper love to Canada's team.
Weaknesses: No one fears Canadians.
In the mind of the fans:
"Should we be worried that our Charmin Ultra Soft is tougher than our team?"
"It's not aboot defense, it's not aboot rebounding. It's aboot shooting. It's aboot passing."
| 34 |
| Vote |
Comment by NBA Breakdown
Boston wins division easy. Hoping Kincks find a way to make playoffs, really like David Lee.